New and old bs

Its hard to believe a year ago this time I was still in florida, god do I miss it down there. Its also crazy to think I was 25wks pregnant this time last year. Its been a little over a year since I found out I have lupus from that day until now my life has changed so much, some days this disease makes it so difficult to get out of bed because I'm in so much pain. I thank god everyday for my baby girl because without him she would not be here, and no matter how much pain I'm in I still push myself everyday to get up because I know my little girl needs me to help her grow. And everyday I pray to him so that she doesn't have to go through what I go through everyday.

I'm so thankful to have friends and family in my life. Its crazy to think that missed out on so much of my siblings lives because my mother is such a vindictive person and holds grudges for so long. I found out from my grandmother (biological father's mom) that my mom promised her that she would stay in contact with them but after 18years she thought I was still living in california, when my mother and step-dad moved us to massachusetts. But another fact is that my mother had found my grandfather and 2 older sisters on facebook and never told me, this was 2 years ago, before my dad and grandfather passed away. Even after all this, I'm just thankful to have people who love me unconditionally.

I'm done venting/rambling. Good night.

surprises in life

Hi bloggers,
I know I haven't posted an actual blog in a while. So much has happened in the past month; a lot to do with family, mostly good and a little bad/upsetting.

Well I'll start off with the bad/upsetting. The bad things with family would be with my fiancée's side of the family has been blowing us off since a little before easter. We've been sending cards for the holidays that have passed (easter and mother's day) and have called 2 or 3 times a week to check in and say hello. What's even worse is the fact that Jeremy's grandmother is 92 years old and is slowly loosing her memory along with becoming extremely frail. The whole thing with them ignoring us is because I was supposed to drop Makenna Leigh off for a couple hours, but she was coming down with a could and was being super fussy and I had to take jeremy to work. 1) They live an hour from our apartment, an hour and 20mins from Jeremy's work, and then an hour back to get her and then another hour back to our place. Which equals a whole tank of gas which is money wasted. 2) Don't want to get the grandmother sick. 3) Parts 1+2= equal me canceling their visit so no one gets sick= again as me lying. 4) They claim poor so they can't meet half way to pick up the baby but they expect me to wasted $40+ in gas one day so I can risk someone getting sick and making my 2.5month old daughter (at the time) more sick and cranky.

One a sad note, after 10 years of searching and trying to find my biological father, come to find out he passed away (march 18,2010) along with his step-father/my grandfather (october 2010). It was a semi-relief that I never got to meet him, because he was never around for me or my 3 oldest siblings.

Now time for the good; after looking and begging my mom and grandparents for info about my biological father's side of the family for the past 10 years I have finally reconnected with them. I have found my 2 older sisters, older brother, and younger sister and brother. Its crazy to think our father had 6 kids in a matter of 8 years. After me being out of the picture for 23+ years this side of the family has opened up to me so quickly and taken me to them with open arms. So I've had an surprisingly exciting/upsetting few months. Its worth it in the end especially now that I have family back in my life after so many years that I never thought I would ever find again.

I'm thanking god for all that he has done for me with answering my prayers and making my family whole again.

Good night everyone. xoxo.

Love,
Samantha

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